According to Don Miguel Ruiz, when we were born, we were born innocent, unique and perfect. We spoke truthfully and were present and unafraid. We trusted and loved ourselves unconditionally. Before we could speak, we made sounds and then learnt a language to communicate a message, which turned into symbols that we invented for ourselves. This is when life was simple, before you attached any meanings or emotions to these symbols.
Through practice and repetition, we learnt to speak. Our parents, siblings, family and society taught us what they knew, they programmed us with their knowledge. We were punished when we were bad and rewarded when we were good. We adopted a fear of being punished and not getting rewarded that created a habit of trying to please other people. We didn’t get the opportunity to choose our beliefs for ourselves. After learning everything we could from our environment, we finally mastered the language to talk to ourselves in our head, this is when we learn to think. This voice in our head is the “voice of knowledge”, and we hear many voices, our fathers, mothers and teachers. This voice is our creation, it isn’t real. We believe it’s real as we have given this voice power, and we start believing this voice, this is when other opinions start taking over our minds. Our opinions of ourselves are based on the opinion of others. Other people tell us what we are, and we believe them. As soon as we agree with these opinions, this becomes our belief system. All these opinions modify our behavior, and we create our image, “I am ugly, I am fat, I am pretty, or I am clever”. Society dictates that we need to be a certain way to be accepted. Then we start pretending to be someone we are not. The fear of rejection and not being good enough steers us in a direction of looking for perfection. We form a perfect image of our perfect selves and begin to judge ourselves on that. We keep searching for this perfection. The truth is that we are all perfect. We believe we are not good enough, skinny enough, pretty enough or not clever enough for ourselves. This is when our symbols start going against ourselves and we use these symbols to reject ourselves. We then start searching for what we have lost, for freedom, peace of mind, for happiness, for ourselves.
Ruiz explains that “We master a language of symbology, and it is only the truth because we agree, not because it’s really the truth, if we don’t agree, the symbols are meaningless”. Symbols don’t have meaning, we give meaning to these symbols, symbols are to understand each other, it doesn’t mean we have to believe these symbols. We interpret symbols, this interpretation is a reflection of the truth. Our minds are a virtual reality which isn’t real, we can be our own personal heaven or hell. Awareness of the truth makes all the difference to lead us to self-mastery. Self-mastery returns us to our true nature of love and happiness and guides us away from suffering.
The Five Agreements are a set of principles designed to help individuals achieve personal freedom and happiness by breaking free from limited beliefs and self-imposed restrictions.
FIRST AGREEMENT
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
Ruiz suggests that your life is a story you created by messages about everything you perceived. “Who is talking in your head?” If you are talking in your head, who is listening? When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see? Do you judge yourself? Is it really true that you are too skinny or too pretty? These judgements are just an opinion you have of yourself that you learnt from society. Do you believe in these lies, is it real or virtual? “What do you believe you are?” The real you is the truth, you are unique and its beyond anything you know. There is no right or wrong answer, we believe in what we have been taught. The symbol of language is the power of the word. The word is what we use to create everything we know, the word is you, the messenger. ” The word is all about the message you deliver, not just to everyone and everything around you, but the message you deliver to yourself”. You determine your happiness, and it depends on how you use the word. Never use the power of the word against yourself, never betray yourself. An incredibly beautiful life can be your story, if you use the words for truth to love yourself. Avoid using words to harm others or yourself. Use your words to uplift and spread positivity.
SECOND AGREEMENT
DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
Ruiz states the power of our imagination takes us to many different places, we hear, see and feel things no one else’s can hear, see or feel. Your story changes every time you talk about it. Our story changes depending on who we are talking to, our beliefs, our physical and emotional state.
Imagine you are in a movie theatre, and the movie you are watching is a movie about yourself. The only other person in the theatre is the person in front of you, who does not notice you. The person in front of you, is you. The main character in the movie is just the way you believe you are. You recognize the secondary characters, your family, teachers, friends and they are too exactly what you believe they are. After the movie, you go into the theatre next door and watch another movie. You sit next to a person watching the movie and they don’t recognize that you are there. You again recognize all the characters, but you are now the secondary character. The lady next to you is your mother and she is watching her own story of her life. You start to realize that your mother is not the same person who was in your movie, her projection of herself is completely different in her movie to yours. This is the way your mother perceives herself. You also realize that your character is also not the same person who was in your movie. This again is how you mother perceives you. All the other characters are also perceived by your mom differently to how you perceive them. You then go and watch a few more movies, this time of your father, children, siblings and grandparents. All their movies have also distorted all the characters. After seeing all these movies, you return to the first theatre to review your story again. You start to question your believes and realize that all this acting you have been doing to please other people has been done for nothing. Nobody perceived you the way you wanted them to perceive you. No one has paid attention to your story, your dreams, inspirations and happiness, they have all focused their attention to their own story and movie. No one has noticed you sitting next to them in the theatre, and their movie is the only reality they live in, they don’t even notice their own presence.
Everything should now change for you; people live in their own story which is the truth for them. “Whatever people think of you is really about the image they have of you, and that image isn’t you”. The question is, do we really know these people, and do they really know us? The truth is that you don’t know what is going on in their story, how they are feeling or what they are thinking? You have been acting so long to be what you are not that you thought you knew and understood yourself too. You have a different personality around different people and then you argue that people don’t understand you! How can people understand you if you don’t understand yourself. People say things that are in conflict with what you believe, and you get hurt, upset, angry, you fight and both of you try and defend your positions. We take everything personally. “You don’t have to concern yourself with other people’s points of view. Once you can see that nothing others say or do is about you, it doesn’t matter who gossips about you, who blames you, who rejects you or who disagrees with your point of view. Whatever people say doesn’t affect you because you are immune to their opinions and their emotional poison”. Don’t take everything so personally. You now have freedom because you don’t have to live your life now according to other people’s opinions. “The only person who needs to be concerned about the story of you is you”.
THE THIRD AGREEMENT
DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
Ruiz explains the real conflict is between the lies. The truth doesn’t need to prove itself. Lies exist because we create them, and they survive because we believe them. Lies are not real, they are our own creation. This is how the word is distorted. We can see a car; the car is made of metal and other materials. We deliver the word to ourselves and the world around us that “This car is an ugly car; I hate this type of car”. We add by saying that “This car is dangerous”. We then start thinking that if people drive this dangerous car, they will get into an accident and hurt themselves. Then we create a law against this car that no one must buy this car or drive it. The word spreads and all of a sudden people are afraid and having nightmares. The car is only an object, it exists and that is the only truth. The story we created with our words is not true, this is a lie. Lies limited our lives. “If we don’t have the awareness to see this truth, it is because we are blinded by the lie. Our body is completely loyal to us, but we judge our body and abuse our body; we treat it as if it’s the enemy when it’s our ally. Making assumptions is just looking for trouble, because most assumptions are not the truth.” We make all sorts of assumptions; your child tells you that they are going away and will send you a message when they arrive at the hotel. When you don’t hear from them, you start making assumptions that they lied to you or that they could have been in an accident. You then start preparing your speech or consider calling the police. Just as you are about to pick up the phone, it rings and it’s your child telling you that they are there happy and safe. You ended up torturing yourself for nothing. We think too much, we over think, if we just stopped thinking, this would stop us from making assumptions and we would stop trying to explain everything to ourselves.
THE FOUTH AGREEMENT
ALWAYS TO YOUR BEST
Ruiz claims that awareness is the most important thing, you cannot change if you are not aware. If we practice repetition this causes change. “If you practice being impeccable with our word, if you don’t take anything personally, if you don’t make assumptions, you are going to break thousands of agreements that keep you trapped in hell. Very soon, what you agree to believe will become the choice of your authentic self, or the choice of the image of yourself that you thought you were.” All our lives we practice believing the voices in our head, this might be difficult to change, but the fourth law is to always try your best and give 100 percent. Your habits are strong and firmly rooted in your mind, this doesn’t mean that you will always be impeccable with your word, it just means to do your best every day. If you fail, just try again, keep practicing, if you keep taking action, things are going to get easier and things are going to happen. Once you are aware of your story, you have the power to change it whenever you choose. Start putting yourself first, start accepting yourself, love yourself unconditionally.
THE FIFTH AGREEMENT
BE SKEPTICAL, BUT LEARN TO LISTEN
On the basis of Ruiz, if you learn to listen, you start to understand other people’s stories, be skeptical of their story, you don’t have to believe it. “Be skeptical is masterful because it uses the power of doubt to discern the truth.” Everybody lies, it’s not that we want to, it’s because of what we believe. You can react or not react, you can agree or disagree with what they say, and that depends on what you want. People who try and avoid their own story, their words in their head, they tend to overeat, take drugs, abuse alcohol and become addicted to other substances and behaviors. If you are skeptical, if you don’t believe yourself, if you don’t believe anybody else, then none of these opinions can disturb you or throw you off center. When you have control over your own symbology, you are always centered, you are always relaxed and calm, because the real you make’s the choices in your life, not the symbols.” If you listen, symbols lose their value and the only thing that remains is the truth.
Judgement, guilt and punishment are emotions generated by fear, fear of the truth is the biggest fear in the world. Whatever happened in your past is no longer the truth, right now is the only truth. For every action, there is a reaction. We or others make mistakes, and we punish ourselves over and over again for that same mistake. This leads to self-judgement which leads to guilt and shame. True justice is to pay for that mistake once. The last judgement is the last time we judge ourselves or others, that we accept ourselves and others for who we are. The war in our head is over and we are one at peace. This is the day we are no longer afraid to be alive. The only thing in the end that dies are the lies.
“In ancient Egypt, it was said: if your heart is lighter than a feather when you die, then welcome to heaven. If you heart if heavier than a feather, you are not going to heaven. How heavy are your lies? Is your heart burdened with anger, fear, guilt or regret?” Ruiz Says “The truth is I don’t know what I am. The only thing I know is that I am. I’m alive, and you can touch me. I’m dreaming, and I’m aware that I’m dreaming. Aside from that, nothing else is important, because everything is a story. When you leave symbols aside, what remains is the bare truth, pure and simple. When you are not possessed by symbology, you recover the presence you had when you were born. There is nothing to search for, its already here. Everything is within you. You don’t have to search for heaven; you are heaven right now. You don’t have to search for happiness; you are happiness wherever you are. You don’t have to search for the truth; you are the truth. You don’t have to search for perfection. Thats an illusion. You don’t have to search for yourself; you never left yourself. You’ll know that you are totally free when you no longer have to be the you that you pretend to be. When you get to self-mastery, you get to a place where there is no judgement or a victim. The real you is your presence, and it’s as beautiful and wonderful as anything on this earth.” You are always delivering a message, before you were born, your message was there. Your birth was a miracle, you delivered a message right away with no words, they felt your presence, the message was you and is still you. Are you still blaming everyone for your problems? Did someone hurt you? If they did, it wasn’t personal, it was due to their own fears and beliefs. If they hurt you, it was because they were hurt too.
“Now a simple question, I want you to understand the question, but don’t allow that voice in your head to answer the question. Just allow these words to go directly into your heart, where you can feel the meaning and intent behind the words. What kind of messenger are you? Do you deliver the truth?”
In conclusion, Ruiz ends by saying “Help me change the world. The change begins with you. When you change, your children change. When you are happy, the people around you are happy. Our messages are our legacy. We know that sooner or later our physical bodies will no longer exist. We only have a few sunrises, a few sunsets, a few full moons that we can enjoy. This is our time to be alive, to be fully present, to enjoy ourselves, to enjoy one another.”
Read Don Miguels Ruiz Book The Fifth Agreement
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Don Miguels Ruiz – The Fifth Agreement
Body of Brilliance 