People asked,
“Do you feel single now?”
No.
I feel upgraded.
Divorce meant losing a partner
but gaining
full control
of the remote.
Healing looked nothing
like the movies —
no soft piano,
no slow montage —
just me eating pasta
at 3am
in victorious silence.
People call it
a “divorce glow-up,”
but honestly,
it’s just what happens
when no one drains
your life force anymore.
Sharing custody
taught me balance —
specifically
how to schedule
a breakdown
between 5 and 7pm.
My friends said,
“You seem lighter.”
That’s what happens
when you drop
unnecessary
emotional weight.
I don’t miss the arguments —
mostly because now
I finally win them.
And sleeping alone?
Bliss.
No snoring,
no sheets trembling
from midnight gas eruptions —
just me,
peacefully sleeping
for the first time in years.
So here’s the truth:
I didn’t break,
I rebooted —
and the upgraded version
runs smoother
and doesn’t crash.
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