This poem is inspired by my blog post ‘Harmful Parenting Patterns: What We Do, How They Affect Children, and How to Fix Them’. You can find the full post here:
We don’t set out to shape them with our fear—
yet parenting begins in quiet ways:
in rushed mornings, in weary nights,
in all the moments we forget
that a child’s heart feels everything.
A child approaches, soft and brave,
a small truth trembling on their tongue—
yet we turn away without meaning harm,
thinking their feelings will sort themselves out,
not seeing how their silence starts with ours.
We correct too sharply,
finding flaws before the joy—
not to harm, but from the fear
that they must be perfect
to survive a world that isn’t.
Our moods can move like sudden storms—
rules shifting with the day,
leaving little shoulders guessing
which version of love awaits them.
We mold them in our old reflections,
forgetting they are born with their own light.
We steer them toward our unlived dreams,
never asking
what beats inside their chest.
We argue loud, or shut down quick—
and they study us like scripture,
learning how to speak or silence themselves
by copying the way we hurt.
And in these shadows—
comparison grows,
self-doubt roots deep,
mistakes feel dangerous,
feelings go quiet,
connection thins
into something fragile.
But here is the truth
every parent needs to know:
It is never too late
to change the way you hold them.
You can stop.
Breathe.
Begin again.
Look into their eyes—
really look—
and say,
“Your feelings matter. Tell me more.”
Trade criticism for curiosity.
Trade control for gentle guidance.
Trade fear for understanding.
Make your voice a place
where mistakes can land softly.
Let them try,
let them fail,
let them choose—
and watch how confidence blooms
without force.
Offer steadiness instead of storms.
Apologize when you need to—
your humility becomes their model
for growth.
Show them calm,
so they learn calm.
Show them love,
so they feel worthy of love.
And hold them,
not tightly—
but wisely.
Remember:
A child doesn’t need a perfect parent.
They need a present one.
A listening one.
A learning one.
And the moment you choose to break a pattern—
you teach them
they never have to repeat it.
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