✨ View the full poem on my blog: When You Don’t Feel Like Yourself: Exploring the Mystery of Self-Dissociation Poem💛
This poem is inspired by my blog post ‘When You Don’t Feel Like Yourself: Exploring the Mystery of Self-Dissociation Poem’. You can find the full post here:
There was a time I lived beside my life— a ghost in daylight, thin with quiet strife. The mirror stared, but I didn’t know the face; my hands moved on, but never felt the same.
I smiled on cue, I spoke, I played my part, yet somewhere deeper, I drifted apart. The world was close, but I was miles away, unanchored in my chest of clay.
It came from weight too heavy to be shown— the body learned to leave its own. When pain ran deep and truth too loud, I built a silence, soft and proud.
Disconnection was not choice or sin— it was my own way of staying safe within. to bear what heart could not contain— a mercy made from hidden pain.
But mercy, too, can turn to stone, and safety kept can feel alone. So one small day, I dared to breathe, to call my scattered self to leave the exile I had once designed— and walk back home to what’s inside.
Through breath, through sound, through steady ground, through pages inked with what I found, through rain on skin, through songs, through art, I reassembled every part.
And slowly—slowly—I could feel the world grow warm, the edges real. Not all at once, but through the years, I stitched myself from threads of tears.
Now presence hums beneath my skin, a life that’s earned, not wandered in. The mirror holds a gaze I know— a soul returned, a heart aglow.
I am not broken, nor remade— just fully here, no longer frayed. What left in fear now stands in grace— alive, awake, in my own place.
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Attraction is one of the most fascinating human experiences — a blend of biology, psychology, culture, and personal taste. We like to think it’s purely subjective, but research shows there are consistent patterns in what people find appealing, even across cultures. Still, attraction is not just about appearances; it’s a complex mix of signals, behaviors, and inner qualities.
Attraction is one of the most fascinating human experiences — a blend of biology, psychology, culture, and personal taste. We like to think it’s purely subjective, but research shows there are consistent patterns in what people find appealing, even across cultures. Still, attraction is not just about appearances; it’s a complex mix of signals, behaviors, and inner qualities.
1. The Biological Blueprint
Evolutionary Psychology: Decades of cross-cultural research, including work by Dr. David Buss, show some universal attraction cues rooted in survival and reproduction. For example:
Health indicators (clear skin, symmetrical features, bright eyes) often signal good genes.
Signs of vitality and fertility (such as energy, good posture, and for women, a healthy waist-to-hip ratio).
Resource potential and stability (often signaled by confidence, ambition, and reliability in men).
Pheromones and Scent: While science is mixed, some studies suggest we’re subconsciously drawn to scents that signal genetic compatibility. This could explain why someone’s “natural smell” can be unexpectedly attractive.
2. The Psychology of First Impressions
Facial Expressions Matter: University of British Columbia research found that men are more attracted to women who smile, while women often find men more attractive when they appear proud and confident. Smiling in general increases approachability and warmth.
The Halo Effect: Attractive people are often assumed to have other positive qualities, like intelligence or kindness — a bias that works both for and against them.
Reciprocal Liking: We are more drawn to those who like us back. The simple act of showing genuine interest and appreciation makes you significantly more appealing.
3. Personality & Emotional Intelligence
Kindness and Respect: A 2014 Journal of Personality and Social Psychology study showed that kindness and respect are stronger predictors of long-term attraction than looks or status.
Attachment Styles: Securely attached individuals tend to have healthier relationships and are perceived as more attractive for the long term, while anxious or avoidant patterns can cause instability.
Confidence Without Arrogance: Confidence signals self-sufficiency and competence, but arrogance can be off-putting. The difference? Confidence invites connection; arrogance pushes people away.
4. Cultural and Social Influences
Beauty ideals aren’t fixed. Media, traditions, and societal norms shape what’s considered attractive:
In some cultures, lighter or darker skin is valued differently.
Body type preferences shift over decades and between societies.
Grooming, clothing, and body language can play just as big a role as genetic features.
Attraction is always a dance between universal instincts and local influences.
5. The Chemistry of Connection
Hormonal Influence:
Dopamine spikes when we experience novelty and excitement with someone, deepening attraction.
Oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” is released through touch and emotional closeness, creating long-term attachment.
Shared experiences, laughter, and mutual vulnerability can literally rewire your brain to associate someone with comfort and joy.
6. Short-Term vs. Long-Term Appeal
Research suggests people prioritize different traits depending on whether they’re looking for something casual or committed:
Short-term: physical appearance, charisma, sexual chemistry.
Interestingly, physical attractiveness often becomes less important over time, while emotional compatibility becomes more crucial.
7. Self-Perception and Inner Work
How you see yourself directly impacts how others see you.
High self-esteem and self-respect radiate outward.
People naturally mirror the energy and confidence you project.
Self-care — mental, emotional, and physical — isn’t just about looking good, it’s about embodying your best self so that others feel drawn to your presence.
Attraction is an Inside-Out Process
Science can map the patterns, but the most magnetic people are often those who make others feel seen, valued, and safe. Beauty may turn heads, but warmth, integrity, and genuine connection keep people close.
At the end of the day, attraction is less about chasing an ideal and more about cultivating the traits — inside and out — that make you feel authentically you. When you live with self-awareness, kindness, and curiosity, you don’t just become more attractive to others — you become irresistibly attractive to yourself.
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