Divorce: Happily Ever After… Just Not Together Poem
People asked, “Do you feel single now?” No. I feel upgraded.
Divorce meant losing a partner but gaining full control of the remote.
Healing looked nothing like the movies — no soft piano, no slow montage — just me eating pasta at 3am in victorious silence.
People call it a “divorce glow-up,” but honestly, it’s just what happens when no one drains your life force anymore.
Sharing custody taught me balance — specifically how to schedule a breakdown between 5 and 7pm.
My friends said, “You seem lighter.” That’s what happens when you drop unnecessary emotional weight.
I don’t miss the arguments — mostly because now I finally win them. And sleeping alone? Bliss. No snoring, no sheets trembling from midnight gas eruptions — just me, peacefully sleeping for the first time in years.
So here’s the truth: I didn’t break, I rebooted — and the upgraded version runs smoother and doesn’t crash.
Stay Connected! Join Our Many Subscribers!
Processing…
Success! You're on the list.
Whoops! There was an error and we couldn't process your subscription. Please reload the page and try again.
One day you’re discussing vacation plans; the next, you’re dividing up the coffee mugs.
Divorce isn’t just a legal process — it’s an emotional, psychological, and often spiritual turning point. It marks the end of a shared vision and the start of redefining who you are outside that partnership.
One day you’re discussing vacation plans; the next, you’re dividing up the coffee mugs. Divorce isn’t just a legal process — it’s an emotional, psychological, and often spiritual turning point. It marks the end of a shared vision and the start of redefining who you are outside that partnership.
In the past century, divorce rates have risen in many countries due to shifting cultural norms, increased independence (especially for women), and evolving expectations of marriage. According to the American Psychological Association, about 40–50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce, and second marriages have an even higher rate. While these numbers can feel discouraging, they also show that life after divorce is possible — and for many, it can be richer and more aligned with who they truly are.
Why Relationships End
Not all divorces stem from dramatic betrayals; many result from a slow erosion of connection. Dr. John Gottman, one of the leading marriage researchers, identifies four patterns — the “Four Horsemen” — that predict relationship breakdown:
Other common reasons include:
Communication breakdown
Financial strain
Infidelity
Addiction or substance abuse
Abuse (emotional, physical, psychological)
Growing apart or mismatched life goals
Unresolved personal trauma
Once a relationship reaches its breaking point, the emotional aftermath can be as intense as the events that caused it.
The Emotional Toll of Divorce
Divorce is often compared to grief — and the parallel is accurate.
The Kübler-Ross stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) often appear, but divorce brings additional emotions:
Guilt – Feeling like you failed as a partner or parent. Believing you could have “tried harder.”
Blame – Projecting fault onto the other person to protect your self-image, or internalizing it and becoming self-destructive.
Shame – Feeling judged by family, friends, or community. Questioning your worthiness for love.
Anger – At betrayal, neglect, or lost years — and sometimes at yourself for missing red flags.
Fear – Of loneliness, financial instability, or trusting again.
The Impact on Children
For divorcing parents, children’s well-being is often the greatest concern. Research shows that children can adjust well to divorce when conflict is minimized, communication is respectful, and routines are stable.
Helpful strategies:
According to studies, children from high-conflict marriages often fare better after divorce than in a tense, intact household.
Cultural and Religious Factors
In some cultures and religious traditions, divorce carries a heavy stigma, which can intensify guilt and shame. Even when personal freedom is valued, external judgment can affect healing. Navigating this may require setting boundaries with critical family members, seeking supportive communities, or working with a counselor familiar with faith-related concerns.
Health Effects — and the Potential for Recovery
The stress of divorce can increase cortisol levels, impact immune function, and raise the risk for cardiovascular issues. However, research also shows that leaving a toxic or high-conflict marriage can improve mental and physical health in the long term.
Protective factors:
Communication After Divorce
When communication is still necessary (especially for co-parenting), clarity and boundaries are key.
Keep it factual and focused on logistics.
Avoid revisiting old arguments.
Use neutral platforms (email, co-parenting apps).
Set time limits to prevent late-night emotional spirals.
The Role of Boundaries
Boundaries protect your emotional well-being and create space for both parties to rebuild independence.
Physical – Decide how often to meet in person.
Emotional – Limit personal conversations if they cause pain.
Social – Discuss mutual friends and events openly to avoid tension.
Parenting – Keep rules consistent across households for the children’s sake.
When Divorce Turns Ugly
Some divorces remain civil; others spiral into high-conflict situations involving:
Protect yourself by:
Documenting all interactions.
Communicating through legal channels if needed.
Seeking early legal advice.
Building an external support network.
The “Who Wins?” Illusion
Divorce isn’t a competition — even if legal battles can make it feel that way. Court victories often come with emotional and financial costs. Mediation or collaborative divorce can reduce damage and foster better long-term relationships, especially for co-parents.
Do People Get Back Together After Divorce?
While rare, reconciliation happens:
6–10% remarry the same person.
15–20% maintain a romantic connection post-divorce without remarrying.
Reconnection can be healthy if both partners have addressed the original issues. Otherwise, old patterns tend to resurface.
Letting Go and Finding Closure
Letting go is less about forgetting and more about releasing the emotional grip the past has on you.
Accept that closure may not come from them.
Acknowledge the end fully — write down the lessons learned.
Create a ritual to mark the transition.
Focus on what you are building now.
Release the “what could have been.”
Affirmation: I release the hold the past has over me. I step into my future with peace, strength, and hope.
Healing: Guilt, Betrayal, and Forgiveness
If you feel it was your fault:
Own your part without self-condemnation.
Seek forgiveness where possible.
Practice daily self-forgiveness.
If you were betrayed:
Face the hurt instead of rushing to “move on.”
Separate your worth from their actions.
Rebuild trust in yourself first.
Forgiveness — whether for yourself or your ex — is not about excusing, but about freeing yourself from carrying the poison.
Physical and Emotional Healing Tools
Dr. Gabor Maté – Identify and heal childhood wounds triggered by divorce.
Dr. Joe Dispenza – Use meditation and visualization to rewire thought patterns.
Dr. Bruce Lipton – Replace negative beliefs with affirmations of worthiness.
Dr. Candace Pert – Release stored emotions through movement and breathwork.
Financial Recovery After Divorce
Money is one of the biggest stressors during and after divorce.
Post-Divorce Identity and Resilience
Rebuilding isn’t just about moving on — it’s about moving toward something new.
Explore passions you set aside.
Define success outside of relationship status.
Cultivate resilience through optimism, adaptability, and self-care.
Dating After Divorce
Give yourself time to heal before dating again. Unresolved wounds often repeat in new relationships. Statistically, second marriages have higher divorce rates — often because patterns carry over.
Key Statistics
40–50% of U.S. first marriages end in divorce.
Average marriage length before divorce: 8 years.
Financial disagreements are the #1 predictor of divorce.
Divorce risk is lower for couples marrying after 25 and with higher education.
Divorce as a Turning Point
Divorce may close a chapter, but you hold the pen for what comes next. You may carry guilt, grief, or relief — all valid — but with intention, support, and compassion, you can shape a future that feels authentically yours.
You are not defined by the marriage that ended, but by the strength and grace with which you rise after it.
Disclaimer I am not an attorney, psychologist, psychiatrist, or licensed healthcare provider. The information in this article is for educational purposes only and should not be taken as legal, medical, or mental health advice. Please consult a qualified professional for guidance specific to your situation.
Stay Connected! Join Our Many Subscribers!
Processing…
Success! You're on the list.
Whoops! There was an error and we couldn't process your subscription. Please reload the page and try again.
Body of Brilliance 